my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
