I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
