I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
