I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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