i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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