When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
