u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
