There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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