i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude i'm inner monologue high
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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