12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize