This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
