I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
