when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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