Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
