dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
