OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
