I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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