Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
