I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
even my farts smell like vagina
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
