We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
