She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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