Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize