dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
