his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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