I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
