my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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