Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
