WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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