its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
