His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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