It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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