if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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