I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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