ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
