I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
