ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
