tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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