I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so let's talk penis.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
