just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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