I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
