Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Can Purell be used as lube?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
