She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
