DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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