Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
