i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
