omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
