She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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