I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
