i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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