kristin has been a bad kristin
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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