shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
