im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
