she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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