I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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