I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize