It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
