you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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