make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
