I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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